Who Are You?

A Brand New You, Effective Tomorrow.

Today’s prompt is from The Daily Post.

Tomorrow you get to become anyone in the world that you wish. Who are you? You can choose to be anyone alive today, or someone gone long ago. If you decide to stay “you” share your rationale.

Hmm, those are deep thoughts. Pretty deep thoughts. In a fantasy world, I’d like to be Mindy Kaling for a day because she is fabulous, minus her obsession with B.J. Novak. I don’t know exactly what it is about that guy, but he seriously gets on my nerves.

In the real world, obviously, I’m staying me. I’ve spent my life being super introverted and introspective and to be honest, I’m kind of tired of analyzing myself. I just want to exist without so much pressure, if that makes sense.

I realize that the older I get, the more cynical I become. To be fair, I think it’s a fine line between realism and cynicism. I’ve definitely always considered myself a pessimist, but in recent years I’ve tried to identify as more of a realist. I just don’t want to lie to myself as much as I did in my younger years. Whereas younger me would have welcomed that forced attempt at optimism, older me simply has no patience for that.

Hopefully, this post doesn’t come across as unhappy. On the contrary, when I look back at 2015 as a whole, I’ve felt far from unhappy–with the exception of a few crappy months directly related to death and other unavoidable things. When I think of younger me–say, 25-year-old me–I cringe because I truly was miserable and depressed all the time back then. And although I don’t think I’ll ever be a true optimist–a real “glass half full” kind of person–I do feel far happier now than I’ve probably ever been.

When I think about it that way, 2015 seems like it’s been a pretty good year: I love my job, and I’ve had some jobs in the past that I’ve hated, so the ability to say that is really quite amazing. My loved ones are healthy. My relationship with my partner is going strong. I did different things this year that I don’t normally get a chance to do, like travel for work: I visited Portland, OR, for the first time and loved it. Another highlight of this year was getting the chance to spend some much-needed time on a fiber festival/girls’ weekend trip that my friends and I took to Swannanoa, NC. I’m hopeful that 2016 will bring more good things.

In short, life is not bad at all. It’s never perfect, but I’m pretty happy with it right now. And I am crossing my fingers that things will only get better in the upcoming year.

Resolutions

Xmas BokehXmas tree bokeh because our tree stays up until the new year.

I’m probably shooting myself in the foot here, but I’m going to make a very short list of New Year’s resolutions. I didn’t make any for 2015, which is kind of surprising because I’m a very goal-oriented person. My resolutions for 2016 are simple:

  1. Knit more. My knitting has tapered off over the past several years, mostly because reading has risen to the forefront. But I’m kind of obsessed with audiobooks lately, so I really have no excuse. In 2016, I want to knit–that means finish, not start and abandon!–at least 12 projects. That’s one per month and totally possible.
  2. Finish decluttering. A few months ago, I drank the KonMari Kool-Aid and reorganized my dresser drawers as well as my half of the bedroom closet. As annoying as that infamous book is at times, the author does have some useful tips. I love opening my drawers and seeing everything neatly put away. Next up: my closet in the spare bedroom, aka the place where things go to die. There’s so much junk in there. Just thinking about that closet stresses me out. In 2016, I will tackle that awful closet and finally get it organized.
  3. Get healthier. uggghh I don’t want to do this. If you’ve known me for any length of time, then you probably know that I’ve had a hard time with health and weight loss over the years. A couple years ago, I lost 30 lbs on Weight Watchers, which was awesome! I exercised regularly and felt great. But I also felt…kind of obsessed about numbers and points and tracking and weighing in and etc etc. So, I quit. I won’t sugar coat it. I’m lazy, I don’t like to work out, and I really, really like to eat. I’m not going to shoot for a specific amount that I want to lose in 2016 because let’s face it, I don’t think that 30-lb loss is going to happen again any time soon. It worked, but I was SO HUNGRY all the time. I probably didn’t eat enough fiber or something. Anyway, suffice it to say that in 2016, I will get healthier–i.e., I will try to exercise at least a few times a week (as opposed to my current regimen, which is 0 times a week) and maybe refrain from wanting to eat an entire cake in one sitting. Ahem.

So, there you have it. My three simple, yet kind of daunting New Year’s resolutions. #3 is definitely the hardest as well as the one I want to do the least. At least knitting is pleasant and the end result of organizing is satisfying. But getting healthy? eh, it’s so much easier to be a lazy oaf, you know? But I’ll give it a noble shot. We’ll see how it goes.

Bad Blogger

Soooo, if anyone’s still around, you’ve probably noticed that it’s been a couple months since I posted regularly.

I’m still reading all the time, but honestly, I began feeling overwhelmed with having deadlines for book reviews. I was requesting more titles on NetGalley than I could keep up with and got behind on the reviews I was supposed to be writing, so I’ve given up on that, at least for now.

Don’t get me wrong–I absolutely still love romance novels and they are still basically my world. But when I read these days, it’s a relief not to have to compose a long review unless I want to–and more often than not, I just want to leave a star rating on Goodreads and move on. I suspect that will change one day, but in the meantime, I like the lack of pressure and the ability to read simply for pleasure and not obligation.

I’m also still knitting, though I’m very bad about blocking and consequently, taking FO pictures. Maybe I should make a New Year’s resolution about that because I really suck at posting about my knitting.

Since starting this incarnation of my blog, I’ve refrained from getting too personal and that’s been intentional. I wanted to write primarily about books and knitting, but sometimes I just want to talk about life and I don’t want to feel like that doesn’t “belong” here. I hope this is making sense. It made sense in my head when I started this post.

For example, back in September, Michael and I had to make the awful decision to put our oldest dog, Orion, to sleep. It was extremely difficult and I intended on posting about him. I hadn’t felt ready to talk about it, but I think I’m closer to being ready. And I’d like the ability to do that without feeling like it’s too “personal” for a blog that’s primarily about books and knitting.

Anyway, I’ve sufficiently rambled on, so I think that’s it for now. To summarize, the future of this blog is that it will hopefully get more personal and I think that’s the way I like it best.